There is a key component of growth that every individual must consider if they want to succeed – regardless of whether it is mental, spiritual or professional development. You must find a time when you are willing to admit that you do not have all the answers. You must also understand that your approach to life may not always provide you with the answers and solutions necessary. When you get to that point in your life it will not be uncommon for you to feel a bit of discomfort and uneasiness. You may also feel like you don’t know who or what to ask, especially if it makes you feel as if you will appear (in your mind) as slow, inadequate or unlearned. Trust me you will not be the first or the last who has experienced this feeling.

As you have grown up, your mom and I encouraged you to share your feelings, ask questions and often, to share your opinion. There was a desire on our part to understand your heart and what was driving the questions and decisions. The more interaction we had with you, the better our capacity to understand those motivations, where they originated and what you needed to take the next step with your decision-making process. You may have felt we were being invasive or sticking our nose where it did not belong, but that was never the motivation. We were just trying add the context of the experience to the conversation in hopes it would turn on a light bulb or two.

Here is a concept I want you to think about. It is contained in Ecclesiastes 4:9 – 10.  “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” This verse explains with a bit more detail a similar concept in Genesis 2:18a (“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone . . .”) The idea here is that two minds bring diversity of thought to the table and a wider scope of possibilities for dealing with life issues than any one single person could.

With all of that said, you know that just having friends alone is NOT the answer. Just talking about issues WILL NOT solve them. Just asking for other people’s advice and direction DOES NOT mean they have the wisdom to come up with the course corrections necessary to better your life. My advice is that you focus on two areas: (1) the quality of your peer, coach, mentor or advisor and (2) your willingness to be transparent.

Earlier this year (January 10^th, February 9^th, 22^nd, and May 29^th) I urged you to consider finding someone with the capacity to mentor you – outside the family. It is not an easy role to fill, but one that will help you through the challenges of life, like no other. Mentors are out there, but YOU must find them. Many are just waiting for you to ask. It may surprise you, but God has already prepared their heart for you.

Once you find a mentor or advisor, you must be transparent. It is the only way the process will work. If you are not completely open and honest they will never be able to give you the guidance and help you need. Sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings is EXTREMELY uncomfortable, but it must be done so the course corrections are accurate, not just generally right. If God judges us on the motives of our heart, then we must discuss those motives and subject them to scrutiny. Don’t hold back if you feel God has given you the right person. You know your family will never desert you, that is why we have encouraged openness. Openness must go beyond family. Motives are your depth, like roots. The deeper they are, the more capacity to weather life’s storms. Tomorrow we will talk more about transparency.

Love Dad