"Susan, it’s one of your kids on the phone again." You can see the look of disapproval on her face as she hands you the phone. You wonder what’s wrong now. A million worrisome thoughts run through your mind between the time you reach for the receiver and hear the words, "I passed the bar exam, mom. I’m ready to hang out the shingle!"

The warmth of pride, rather than worry, warms you from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. Hallelujah! As soon as you get all the details, you want to hang up the phone and rub it in the face of that old sourpuss who just gave you the "can’t you control your family" look.

Finally all the years of seventeen to eighteen hour days have paid off. The planning and preparation was worth it all. The last of the children has successfully navigated their way to the beginning of life on their own. They now have the necessary confidence, focus, and determination to make it. You feel a sense of relief for a few seconds until this voice says, "Susan, is the report I asked you for completed yet?"

Reality is here again and you have to deal with coworkers who are single or without children/husbands to be concerned about. Their expectations always seem a bit unrealistic when it comes to your job description. Don’t they have a life outside of work? Don’t they know all family problems can’t be handled after office hours?

Last month we considered the stresses of a working mom. We discussed some simple approaches, based on your personality, to ease the stress at home. This month we will consider some of the same principles to help improve your career aspirations. The key is finding the balance and focus you need to keep yourself on track.

You don’t need to let the stress of a career get to you. Whether you are already involved in a career with older children or reentering the workplace doesn’t matter. You have talents and abilities that are needed by your company. You can find a way to insure that your company benefits from your competency and you receive a sense of accomplishment and pride in the process.

If your position is one of leadership or supervision then it’s a good bet your task orientation and sense of urgency got you where you are. You will, however, need to take "breaks" during the day to reenergize yourself—and that does not mean "just closing the door to your office." Think about what brings you pleasure when you are alone. What recharges your battery? Is it reading a book or the latest trade journal? If so, have it in your top desk drawer when you are ready for a quick recharge! Maybe your "mini-vacation" is taking a quick walk around the duck pond, listening to your favorite music, or just sitting on the bench to get some sun on your face? Whatever it is—make the time!

Each individual you supervise or manage needs your decisiveness. To make important decisions, you must think clearly. Find a way to ensure your challenges are met when the time comes. If possible, establish specific times during the day for a break or two. Keep in mind that lunch is essential and should not be skipped. Lunch and breaks are necessary for finding new energy and determination to get through the tasks at hand. Whatever you do—don’t skip those much needed breaks"

Achieving your management position was not easy. You got there by being good at your job and by making sure the job was completed accurately and in a timely manner. View your break time as part of your career description. There is time on your day-timer if you plan for it. If you don’t allow yourself a few breaks you will eventually burn out or become more stressed. Once this happens you will begin missing details, deadlines, and appointments. Remember that you have to set the pace for others--make sure you set a pace that will allow you to lead with confidence and effectiveness.

Those of you who are in non-management positions (sales, customer service reps, etc.) also have a unique challenge. You must be "on stage," optimistic, pleasant, and a quick thinker whenever there is a new challenge to meet. Sometimes you may even wonder "who" you have to be today to get the order or satisfy a customer. You took this position because it allowed you personal freedom to communicate, be creative, solve problems, and experience the thrill of victory – all of which you savor. The other "stuff" is not nearly as exciting. When the details start to cloud up the bright sunny days—you need an outlet.

One of the greatest challenges you face is keeping up with details. When you are in the field or working with a prospect/customer, use a tape recorder or take notes until you can update your prospect/client’s record. Your strength is your ability to communicate and you can’t possibly remember everything that happened in the course of your day. I know it sounds simple—but it works. You may also benefit from a time management course.

Your natural tendency is to try to accomplish more than the average person in a reasonable amount of time. Learn to say "no" if meeting another deadline request is not possible without having to "burn the midnight oil" to get it accomplished. Saying no (politely, of course) is not nearly as painful as it may seem. Remember, you want to perform your task well. Your job is best performed when you are rested and stress-free.

Your position also requires a great deal of knowledge. You need to see, talk, or listen to volumes of people just to remain current. You can take advantage of technology to gain the upper hand. Listen to books or journals on tape—they will cost around $4 to $8 for a week’s rental at an audio book store. Keep yourself abreast of what is changing in your business. Use your time effectively and wisely.

Those of you in support positions have an especially challenging role. You have to make someone who is disorganized, always in a hurry, and often quite opinionated look like they know what they are doing. And then, they get the credit for your preparation and hard work. More often than not, the job is a mixed bag of frustrations.

You have decided, however, that being the ‘glue’ that holds things together gives you a personal sense of satisfaction that some people will never understand. The key is to communicate clearly and concisely with those you serve. You are not rocking the boat or being confrontational when you know something they don’t have a clear picture of. Your methodical and organized approach to gathering information and laying the foundation for success will help avoid problems that deadlines often present.

Set regular meeting times with those you support. Familiarize yourself with upcoming schedules and expectations. If they don’t have a plan, you may have to help them get the dream to reality. Help establish time lines and objectives in a systematic process to insure that no one is disappointed. Just remember that as the glue that holds things together, you may have to look for the pieces that fit. It’s just a good thing that "they" have you.

Those of you who have jobs that take advantage of your keen abilities to research, analyze, and calculate the appropriate action have a different set of challenges. You realize that life is a constant process of making sure other people do things correctly and don’t cut corners. Our world would be a mess without people like you. Your ability to make sure contracts are correct, accounts are balanced, and rules are followed to keep your company out of trouble or "in the black" are essential to the corporate world. The problem is that when you are doing what you do best, someone is usually giving you a hard time about it. For the most part, you bite your tongue and "consider the source." However, they do need your help.

Eighty-five percent of the population cannot conceive of what you see naturally. You need to prepare their thought processes so you can do your job. Always ask for an overview of what is expected along with one or two suggestions of how they would like to see the information once you have had a chance to analyze and compile your data.

After you have completed your work, prepare it as you would normally and include a summary at the beginning of your report. They may want to see only the trends or end results since you have the documentation. They know you won’t let them get too far off track without saying something. If they desire further information, let them ask for it. They may not understand all the details anyway.

The key to success with your career is to remember that others may not have a family or the outside obligations you possess. They may not understand family-time needs or challenges. Most of all they do not understand having to think for others the way you often have to for some family members.

The way you can achieve the special consideration needed to handle family challenges, as they arise, is to be efficient and effective at your chosen profession. You can only achieve that if you are happy in your position. Look introspectively. Develop a lifelong process of self-discovery. Analyze your assets and liabilities, choosing a profession or position that allows you to be who you are. You are not just a "corporate" title and your job is not your identity. Your identity is who YOU are!

***

Dr. Coker is the founder and CEO of LifeThrive, a Jacksonville, Florida based performance improvement company. He holds regular seminars for divorcees, married couples, groups, and management. He has authored six books and various manuals on communication, sales, leadership, and management improvement for individuals and Fortune 100 corporations. Further, he has written and co-authored many reports and documentary pieces for various publications around the United States. He is a contributing author to The Business Journal and other editorial publications.

Dr. Coker has also established systems to help the troubled youth of our community, as well as statewide programs. Dr. Coker is most noted for his lectures on contemporary issues, such as "Life After Divorce," and his ability to help corporate America be competitive in today’s world marketplace.

Dr. Coker is the recipient of two Ph.D.’s and two honorary doctorates. His approach to recovery for the individual has helped many through rough times.

You may contact LifeThrive at 2333 The Woods Drive, Suite 1, Jacksonville, Florida 32246. Phone (904)221-5562 or request information by fax at (904)221-0187. Additionally, you may e-mail him at cwcoker@chuckcoker.com.

Chuck Coker

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