Recent statistics indicate that 55 percent of all marriages in America today end up in divorce.

Divorce brings pain, frustration, anger, and rejection. Most people who have experienced divorce are not coping with the associated issues. They don’t deal with the pain; they mask it or put off dealing with it and, consequently, end up suffering for decades. People around them suffer as well.

The suffering continues because we do not know some simple principles about ourselves as individuals. You’ve heard the expression "the answer is inside you," haven’t you? The problem is that as we grow up no one helps us learn how to isolate and retrieve those answers when we experience pain. We’re told to "go to a psychologist or psychiatrist," or we’re told, "grow up and deal with it!" The question is, how?

As a matter of fact, people react to the pain of divorce in predictable patterns. Anyone who has the desire to do so has the ability to cope with this type of pain and bounce back quickly. All you need is an understanding of yor natural behavioral "makeup" and how people of your style will react to pain. Once self-knowledge is acquired, understanding follows; and understanding can lead to an individual recovery plan. With a plan of action, healing begins. You will then experience personal growth and self-satisfaction. Pain is the stimulus for that self-renewal.

The divorce papers were served last week.

Dan protested, "I never saw this coming!" He was devastated. He saw himself as a good provider and believed he had given Darlene everything. He was enraged and decided that he would show her and everyone else that he could have just about any relationship he chose. So, the games began. An endless round of nights at the clubs, wild parties, and fringe activities was his answer to satisfy his emptiness.

If Dan and Darlene had understood one another better, task-oriented Dan might have realized that Darlene needed reassurance and companionship, and relationship-oriented Darlene might have realized that Dan’s absorption in his business was not a rejection of her. They could have cooperated with one another to meet their competing needs. Dan could have used his task-orientation to focus on building the relationship, and Darlene could have used her relationship orientation to help Dan express himself in the relationship.

Personal reference points are easy to establish. Each person has one of four natural behavioral styles. It is easy to learn and recognize each of these styles. When you have learned to do so, you automatically begin to relate to people in a way that correlates with their natural styles -- instead of reacting to them as your own natural style would otherwise dictate. Have you ever wondered why you sometimes instantly dislike someone you meet?

This could be due to nothing more than differences in your natural personality styles. If you cannot recognize and deal with these differences, you could lose opportunities for meaningful relationships. It simply takes a little adaptation and mental re-orientation to overcome these obstacles.

Most divorces in America today could have been avoided if the couple had some basic knowledge and worked from just four foundational concepts. With this knowledge communication, intimacy, and stronger relationships would be natural.

There is absolutely no reason why it should take years to learn the basics about the person whith which you want to have a meaningful relationship. You can learn the basic personality types in about half an hour, and with practice, you can develop the ability to read the personality types of those around you. You will be in control of your relationships and your responses to them.

These general types are:

· Dominate/task oriented – always in a hurry with a hundred things to do

· Charming – social butterflies that always have something to say about everything