Over the years, I have watched my wife invest her whole heart into you, her children. Though I am sure there were times when you did not desire or appreciate her “investment,” I assure you she felt she was making a decision that would be to your long term benefit. I can recall more events than I have time to recount that left no doubt of her singleminded focus on caring for you or one of your siblings. Your needs were her priority. From the day we were married, she was locked in to her calling as a mother. Little else seemed to matter. As you’ve gotten older, I am sure you appreciate that more, because there was never any question as to whether you were loved or not.
A loving, caring atmosphere is not something everyone is priviliged to experience. You had the benefit of numerous siblings who were “blood,” so the care and concern expressed were because of unconditional family ties. It provided a strong foundation for commitment to one another. Normally, what we see in life, which is referred to as love or caring, is conditional. “If you scratch my back, I will return the favor,” is the normal response. When I look at Biblical words for caring I see that they have some of the same connotations as love. For example Hebrew words like, Yadà, chashab, shamar, and shama embrace the concepts of knowing and esteeming someone somuch that they will do anything to protect, guard, watch over, and preserve a person through their individual efforts or plans to ensure their well being. Greek words like diakoneō, illustrate the concept on ministering through meeting the needs of another through service and love.
What you and I often misinterpret about the Biblical meaning of “caring” is that preserving a person’s wellbeing and loving them is sometimes NOT giving them what makes them happy. It can mean holding them accountable, being down right confrontational, or simply saying “No.” Caring for someone does not include enabling negative behavior that will at some point need to be addressed. If you wait until after the habit is engrained the pain of removal is much more intense.
When you feel an overwhelming desire to do something that causes you to doubt whether it is in the best interest or long-term good of another, you better listen to the Holy Spirit. Making others, especially your children happy can often be the anthesis of caring for them. Suck it up and embrace the “pain” of confronting and walking through the challenge. It will pay eternal dividends for you and the other person. For example, I remember as a child that if I got in trouble at school, I had another paddle to face at home. Those issues did not recur after a couple “double shots.” Think about this concept: If you do not care enough to confront an issue properly, what will God have to do to you to wake you up to your carelessness?
Love,
Dad