Today is my oldest son (and child’s) birthday. I will never forget that big black nurse bouncing out of the delivery room doors at NAS Jax hospital so long ago. “You’ve done got yourself a football player. He is 8 pounds, 13 ounces.” The memory of that moment will never go away. I was proud to have a son who would share my name and hopefully my aspirations.
Asking for your child to live your aspirations was the problem and I did not realize it at the time.
Chuck was then and will always be his own person, with his own identity, making his own decisions that may or may not meet my hopes and dreams for his life. That is what all parents must come to grips with because each child possesses the God-given given freedom of choice and it is not our place to make their decisions for them – regardless. We will not answer for them, even though we try to direct them.
As Chuck grew up, he did not have the privilege of a stable home environment like most of you have. Life presented him with challenges none of you will ever have to face – that’s not an excuse or defense, but reality. So his perspective, as all of ours, is unique to him. He chooses like each of you the life he wants to live. If he truly finds his joy differently than we do, that is his privilege and right. So he, like you will make decisions that I, who share his name, may want or feel should be different.
Living in a different country with no desire to be back here in the States causes me to miss him. I wish I could see him more and spend more time with him, but that is his choice to make not ours. In our own selfish way, we want others to think like we do, act like we do and turn out much like ourselves. That’s just not possible nor did God design things that way. It is why I have asked myself many times if I did the right thing by making him CWC, Jr. That’s a lot of pressure to put on anyone, especially if your expectations are high and not realistic, because no one will ever meet another person’s expectations.
We all love Chuck and want the best for him. Even though we have not met Rosa and Hania we love them too because they are part of our family and we are linked by blood and relationship. So as we send our best wishes and love to him, let us continue our hopes, dreams and prayers for him and his family. Let’s wish him the best in the days ahead and pray that he completes the life that he desires. We would love to share our lives with him, but it is obviously not possible for all of us to make that trip.
Chuck Jr, will always be the first born of our group and one who is destined to live his own life. While we are here on earth we must try to understand his choices and not be judgmental of those choices. He is here with us now and we must celebrate that he still has time among us, despite the miles. I am eager to watch Hania grow up and hope we will be able to have her come and visit us from time to time. I would love to soak her into the Coker culture and have you all do a bit of the same.
Chuck, we celebrate your life, your hopes and aspirations. We love you and pray that your life is full and that in the days ahead that fullness brings you joy and peace. I wish we could all give you a hug and tell you how much you are loved, but there will be a time for that – whenever the time is right. We all miss you, but understand that your life is yours and your decisions are your own. May your life be blessed in all you undertake and may it be as full as mine is.
That is my hope and prayer for you, my son.
Love Dad