Long before I was a grandparent, I questioned my aptitude for parental excellence. I know there were times you came to me and I wasn’t tuned in and did not listen properly. I know now those distractions hampered deeper and stronger relationships. I just took it for granted that you knew how much I loved you. I thought being a good provider was a clear statement of my commitment to you. I know I was always rushed, had lots of demands, and constantly ran short on time. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize it then, but I had made my work my god. It’s an easy trap to fall into even in Christian families.
Let me make excuses first! I grew up hearing phrases like “children should be seen and not heard”; “If you’re going to do something, do it right the first time”; and “I’m from Missouri — you have to show me!” In a military family we didn’t ask questions, we just did what we were told. As a young Marine, I heard the Platoon Sergeant’s bark “If the whole world was run by the Universal Code of Military Justice it would be a better place to live.” I was programmed from an early age to follow orders and finish my responsibilities. YOU were my responsibilities. In many ways, that strong work ethic is the reason 11 mouths never went hungry or had to worry about a roof over our heads — despite our numbers.
But, God was faithful. He refocused my thinking. It started while meeting with my pastor in 1983. I had been asked to teach a Sunday School class. I described to him why I was eminently unqualified. I recounted my past! Dr. Clough patiently listened to me until I was through, then smiled, opened his bible and read this from 2 Corinthians 5:17–18: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.” As I heard the words, a sense of God’s grace enveloped me. I experienced Joy! He knew that if I taught I would be molded by what I was teaching. His willingness to accept me, as Christ had, caused me to seek a new life – in Seminary and the ministry he called me to.
Over the years, you’ve witnessed 2 Timothy 2:21–22: If a man cleanses himself, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work. Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and, peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Even in their 20s and 30s young parents still have youthful desires such as what they wear, what they drive, and the address of their home. It takes time to realize those things cause us only to want more. Ecclesiastes 5:10 says it so well: Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless.
What I do want you to consider is that no one taught us how to be parents — I wish they had. I did not know how to teach you until now. Most importantly I want you to remember that if God had wanted you to have all the answers, he would have given them to you BEFORE you had the problem. Don’t beat yourself up for parenting mistakes. His way, of grace and experiential learning really leaves our flaws out for others to see. However, it also leaves us with a reason to remember and readjust.
Love, Dad