Years ago I reached a point in my professional life that caused me to re-evaluate whether I wanted to remain in an entrepreneurial sales role or assume a role in executive management. I chose the executive management path which, on rare occasions, brought me into direct competition with some of my former peers in the industry. I did my best to avoid direct competitive activities, including avoiding my former customers for years. However, on an occasion or two the inevitable happened and I was on the same agenda with someone I had spent “incentive trip” time with. A few were cordial, but one was hostile. Sadly, even though she was a committed believer and her hostility was painful to me.
Almost a decade after I left the industry to develop a career in speaking and training, I sent each of these people a letter in hopes that we could both move on and let bygones be bygones. The result was the same — the few were cordial and had long since left those incidents behind while the lady would not even respond to my correspondence. To this day, I still feel the sting of her unforgiveness. It saddens me to know that someone I respected and admired continues to find something about me offensive after all this time. That is her right and privilege. I have also thought that the Holy Spirit may have allowed those feelings to persist to remind me of how others may view my actions, and therefore feel justified in judging me. Since I do not see through her eyes, I cannot judge her opinion or beliefs. I must continue my path, pray for her, and live my life as God directs me.
Every time I think of this former colleague, it reminds me of Paul and Barnabas’ serious conflict and difference of opinion in Acts 15:36–40. Fortunately, time healed the wound Paul felt had been inflicted by John Mark. When we read 2 Timothy 4:11 we see, at some point, Paul had moved past his resentment and found John Mark useful to the ministry before he died. I still hold out hope that my colleague’s heart will change, but that is not for me to say. Sometimes we have to realize that just because a person is a believer, they may not perceive things the same way we do. They have a right to their opinion and we must acknowledge that God’s love overcomes any differences we might have with other believers. You can always rely on 1 John 1:9, even if you are not in harmony with the other person’s opinion: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. You must move on and experience God’s forgiveness and grace even if you have not received it from another persons.
If you find yourself in a position like this, I encourage you to increase your prayer focus for the person who may not agree with you or whom you have offended. Love them enough to ask the Spirit of God to soften their hearts so they can experience the same love and grace God extended to you. Whenever this person comes to mind pray for them, as I pray for her. It cannot hurt either of you because a major factor hindering our prayers is unforgiveness. Perhaps God is waiting on you to forgive the person who has not forgiven you, to allow the process to run full circle.
Love, Dad