Several days ago my daughter Rainie called me to talk about a dream. Of all my children, she shares more dreams with me than any. The unusual thing is that most of the dreams she shares are extremely profound and appear to have strong spiritual implications. I personally believe that God communicates with her, and at times with other family members, in this way. While each of you has your own line of communication with the eternal, her dreams have brought peace to her and caused other family members to resort to deep reflection.

This dream played out with me driving the car too fast while she was in the passenger’s seat. She kept telling me to slow down or we would have a wreck. However, that was not the most “troubling” aspect of the dream. She said that God told her in that moment that all things were preordained and that things would not change unless there was prayer and a reason “to change the plan.” That if the prayer indicated a reason for that to happen He would send an angel to intervene. As an example, He told her how he had sent her son Gavin as a gift to keep her encouraged and busy during a rough time in her life.

At 68 there had been much talk on my part about slowing down. In addition to that for the past few months, my mortality has been a prominent thought. I even updated my will, insurance, etc. Yet the stronghold of not caring for or providing for my family continues its grip, pushing me to “provide” when it is not just my job but The Lord’s. I know that every good and perfect gift comes from Him, but I have been ruthless over the years, trying to help Him. Often, as I look back and see wasted time, resources and energy, I simply chalk it up to being faithful to Ecclesiastes 11:6. (Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let your hands not be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.) But now, I am tired and don’t know another way of life.

About the time that all these “thoughts” began in my head, God was giving me an answer during my daily walk. For some reason He would not let me leave Psalms and Proverbs. I had been listening repeatedly for almost six months when I stumbled on Psalm 139 verses 17 – 18 which say: “How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand — when I awake, I am still with you.” Finally it dawned on me that He “thinks” more about mine and my family’s needs than I do. After decades of faith and leading, most people would think that this simple and profound concept would be well ingrained. Yet, living in a world and a family setting that at times communicate love conditionally, some of us succumb to the performance bug because it gathers praise and adoration. An addictive trap we can fall into.

The reality is that I have been unfaithful and conditional in the way I viewed God’s love and provision. My ego has driven me to “do,” when at times I should “be” what He needed me to be. While we must be diligent, we must also rest and let Him handle the details at times. Do our best, but also remember His promise is that for those who love him all that is needed will be provided. Slow down, smell the roses. My lesson for today to myself.

Love Dad