Dealing with subjective people

Dealing with subjective people

As of this writing I have had the privilege of being married to a woman who is very different from me for over a quarter of a century. In many ways you could say we are polar opposites when it comes to the way we approach life and make our decisions. I am very strategic and objective, while she values and relates deeply to the environment, circumstances, and people involved and how that connects with her beliefs. She is focused on the characteristics of and nature of things rather than purely the object or project itself. She is detailed, methodical, and not in a hurry, while I am often on a different page. She internalizes while I externalize my thoughts. The old adage that “opposites attract” is true in our case. Yet, we see this as a huge advantage to you. You have received the best and worst of both sides! Now you have the freedom to choose which you prefer, or hopefully find a happy medium.

Being a subjective person is a good thing, because ⅔ of the population falls into this group. Relationships are of primary importance and normally have a huge impact on the decision making process. Empathy for others is a critical element necessary to taking your love to an agape level. However, there are individuals who are so relational that others can have an impact on or command power over their welfare and decision making process. Though objective people can hurt other people’s feelings, the more subjective person can allow others’ circumstances, opinions, and biases to impact their decisions.

Are there times when subjectivity must be removed? Of course there are. Jesus said in Matthew 5:37: Simply let your Yes be Yes, and your No, No; anything beyond this comes from the evil one, indicating there would be times when the right thing must be done and circumstances ignored. However, often you must consider the person’s place or position and how God is working in their life

You face a challenge each time you are interjected into circumstances which involve the subjective way others look at events. You should become their teacher. In Titus 2 the NIV titles the chapter “What Must Be Taught to the Various Groups.” The word “teach” (teaching, teaches) is used 8 times. The Greek word sōphronizō communicates how you must bring a person to his/her senses and duties through discipleship, admonishing and exhorting them with “earnestness.” It comes from the Greek word sōphrōn which indicates that you curb an individual’s impulses by understanding their natural senses. In today’s language you must consider their behaviors, attitudes, and motivations. When you take their personality into account, you can bridge the gap between the hardliner and the person who is struggling with a decision because of the circumstances. In times like this you will position yourself as a person of wisdom because you provide missing insight. Proverbs 3:13 says: Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding. Look deeply enough to bridge the gap.

Take what you have learned from a diverse group of family and friends. Each one offers something of value. Share what you learn with others and see if God does not bless you because you cared deeply enough to see the value in God’s unique creations.

Love, Dad

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