Tom answered the phone in his normal enthusiastic voice. I loved talking with him because you could tell the Spirit of God worked strongly in him.

“What are you doing Friday?” I said.

He said, “I haven’t really got anything planned.”

“How would you like to take a ride to Georgia and marry Tracy and me?”

He answered affirmatively, so that Friday I dressed the kids, picked up Tracy and Tom and headed for the big city of Woodbine. There in the records room Tom pronounced us husband and wife. Tracy immediately became the mother to three! As Tracy and Tom chattered on the way home my mind kept coming back to this new relationship. It had started differently from any other and I was convinced it was going to end up being very different than anything I could have ever imagined before.

During the first couple years typical adjustments had to be made between two people who had been brought up in dissimilar families and exposed to very different approaches to life. Those environments provided each of us with a perspective of what accountability and intimacy should look like that was poles apart. It was further complicated by the fact that three children had needs, which both of us perceived differently, and that she was not used to providing on a 24–7 schedule. However, we had committed to the responsibilities of marriage and parenthood with a heartfelt devotion to God to make it successful.

In time it made sense to me to “coin” a new word to represent what existed between us. That word is Accountimacy. Accountability means “an obligation to give satisfactory reason or an explanation for, one’s actions” according to the dictionary. That meant that I had to be able to justify every action I chose to display, regardless of the amount (or lack) of thought that went into that action. Even from this secular definition this implies our actions have implications as to whether they are profitable, selfish, or counterproductive to the good of mankind and/or God’s Kingdom. Intimacy, on the other hand means “closely acquainted or associated with the inmost character. Having to do with the fundamentals and essentials (or most private parts) of a person’s character.” For example, you may know who George Washington was, but you can bet that Martha could tell us some stories that might change your perspective about the “real George.”

Accountimacy then must be “An obligation to exchange satisfactory reason, or explanation for one’s actions with one who knows and understands you, your innermost character, and empathizes with you in a way few people can.” As you face life’s contingencies you have the God family AND your spouse as a part of your master plan for our development — through accountimacy. They all will help you face life’s contingencies. There you will find the real miracles. You will see that you and your spouse must stand together, ever constant, ever supportive of each other. That will only happen with spiritual help. You can envision yourself as a caring person, but will caring produce responsible results? The results come from your investment of time and energy in your families. Take the time necessary to look at both and see if the investments are eternal. If so, you have learned the joy of Accountimacy. The natural outgrowth will be a state of assuredness — with your partner and your eternal family.

Love, Dad